I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My pussy is not your playground.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
