Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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