who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
