Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
