yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Farmville is her only friend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
