Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
