Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
