this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
