in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize