Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
