just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
