Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
