you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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