He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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