The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
