Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
