Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
