Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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