did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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