His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
