oh god the rape fog is back!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
