Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
