dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
