Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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