he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
