I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
FUCK WHALES
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