i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
