So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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