so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
