I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
