And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
