I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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