the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
