he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
