He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
