I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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