they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
