Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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