been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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