he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
