If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
