he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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