Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
