My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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