best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize