I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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