I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
zippers are such a cool invention
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
