It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
