That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
