She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
