I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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