Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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