that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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