In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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