when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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