its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
