Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
