She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
