New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
