I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found the puke drawer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
