Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
