he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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