Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
