I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
