i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
