The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
