They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
