you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize